My family is actually visiting from another state. My step mom and my brothers. Apparently we are going out to eat. Get ready for another night of sobbing, Elizabeth.
I have been doing so well too. I still haven't had the courage to weigh myself, though. I hope I can have the courage to do it soon.
I just saw my family not too long ago. I know its wrong of me but I'm not at all excited to see them. If truth be told, they just cause more anxiety for me. My mom never approves of anything and isn't at all supportive of anything I do. If anyone can drive me to cut, it's that woman. I'm never good enough for her.
So since I'm having a fat night tonight so I don't worry them, I need to come up with a good plan to lose the extra, disgusting fat. I have been feeling ugly enough as it is. Just terrible. I couldn't look in the mirror, again. Everything I wear makes me look like a bloated whale. I'm sick of being fat.
Sick of not being good enough
Sick of hating myself
Sick of working myself to death at two shitty jobs, to pay for the shitty place I live in.
I'm completely losing it today. I seriously feel like I'm going crazy. All my thoughts are jumbled up. Emotions have gone completely haywire. I sobbed like crazy the other day because I'm still sinking. I'm not good enough to pull myself out of it. I'm never happy anymore.I just want to feel something calm and peaceful for a change. I want a moment out of the chaos...just once.
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