My mom is pissed at me now, because I haven't been calling her. It isn't like she doesn't have a phone or anything. It goes both ways. I know we live in deifferent states now, but she doesn't seem to understand that I havetwo jobs and am going to school. Last time we talked she was bitching at me for using her account at the movie store. As if it was some huge problem. That's when I stopped calling. She hasn't tried calling me once since then either. When I was talking to her, she only had negative things to say to me and she really knows how to make someone feel like complete and utter shit. Or when I am trying to tell her things that are going on in my life it's like she isn't even interested and barely says anything back so why even bother talking to her? She is just another added stress in my life that I don't want or need.
I also wound up binging like crazy yesterday. Chips, burritos, cake, strawberries dipped in chocolate, caramel corn, grilled cheese sandwhich with tomatoe soup. I felt absolutely disgusting. I ran for about three hours last night because of it. I still feel gross and disgusted with myself today.
I know this is a weird thought but when I was younger, I always wished I could turn myself into one of my barbie dolls. they seemed so perfectly beautiful to me. And now, here I am 15 years later, with an eating disorder and trying to reach that unreachable perfection.
hope all is well
xoxo-Elizabeth
