I have lacked ambition, I lacked motivation, I lacked. I am failing myself. I have given up entirely and I'm disgusted with myself.

Revolted.

I can't keep going through the motions. I can't lay in bed at night thinking about the exercises I could be doing instead. I need to wake up. I need my other brand of crazy. The one that puts me in shape and tortures me the way I need. That addictive, empty stomach, sore muscle burn. I need it back.

I will begin anew. I will start today. Once again I'll have a carefully planned schedule filled with workouts and distractions. I need to be thin again. I need to work out again. I will do it. I have to.