Carl has been gone almost all day. He hardly said a word to me when he He was here. I've had almost all day to myself. I feel wrong. I know I'm not right but... Nothing feels right. I'm starting to get numb again. That feeling of nothingness. It's been coming and going all day.

When I'm not numb, I'm raked with disgust, sadness and fear. I honestly don't know which is worse. I feel like a mess. I am a mess.

I haven't been eating today. I had about 300 calories today and even that fills me with disgust. I'm tired of this. I want to be normal. I want this all to go away. The fear, the sickness, the moments of emptiness.

I don't know what to do anymore