Here I Am

This isn't my first blog but it is one I know I can be completely honest in as no one I know will be following it. As far as I know. I need some place to be completely truthful. I need to be able to write things down and get them out of my messed up head. I need to finally tell the truth. Uncensored.

I guess I should introduce myself. I'm a 20 year old female and I have two jobs. I live in a small coastal town in the US and I have an eating disorder. Have had one since I was 16. I mean, I have always had a problem with my weight. I always thought I was fat and ugly. I guess at 16 it all just bubbled over. I tried dieting and was really happy with the results. Before I knew it, I was restricting more and working out like crazy. Now I haven't been able to stop.

I thought about recovery a couple of times but I could never actually go through with it. This is too much a part of me and I'm not willing to give it up.

I am also addicted to male attention, slightly alcoholic, a slight pot head and a shopaholic. Yes my life can be full of chaos which is why I started this blog. I have always had a need to write and document hings. I need it to clear my head and make sense of the chaos. Words are beautiful when written right and someday I hope to create beauty. Someday I hope to be a beauty. The only way to do that is to be thin (and there's the ed talking). So, that's me. Somewhat.

Anyways, I'm here and ready to finally write without any inhibitions.