Even in the Darkest Hours

I have yet to eat anything. I don't even feel hungry. The empty feeling comes and goes still but I think I am getting better. I have been able to put my mask back in place. That is, I'm the fun, outlandishly confident girl my "friends" know and love again. They see nothing and I prefer to keep it that way.

I haven't been able to get on the scale since that last time. I'm afraid to see the number go up. I'm happy I weighed less than I thought but I need to lose more, obviously. I'm working on getting happy. I want to do more than pretend. I want to be able to see something as simple as a flower and smile at it's beauty. Not my fake smile... but a true smile. I want to laugh in the sunlight, without a care in the world. Without worrying about fat, food, calories, life in general.

Happiness...

That's what I yearn for. Happiness in whatever beauty is still left in this world. I will obtain it. I am strong and determined. I will have my day.

Even in the darkest hours, there is still a ray of hope.

Hope all is well-xxx Elizabeth